It’s been a while since I’ve put out any content across my channels, aside from my Instagram account on which I’m always posting behind the scenes content from my coaching sessions. Many of you have messaged me to ask why this is, “have I quit the game?”, “am I still teaching?” and “are you still alive?” have been some of the most common questions in my inbox.
In this post I’ll aim to tell you what’s been going on…
Those of you that follow me will know the last real content I put out was from the epic World Tour I embarked on with Mr Torero. During that month of July, I spent a month on the road teaching sold out bootcamps across the globe, helped film a documentary, put out my own content and tried to explore each city. By the end of that trip I was exhausted and broken from all the late nights, early starts, copious amounts of beer and near constant jet-lag!
I needed a break.
So I decided to take a bit of time away from the scene. I spent much of August just chilling and pursuing my other hobbies. In September I had a family bereavement and October I spent a small amount of time in hospital, but it was during this period of downtime that I had a lot of time to think about things, mainly how my life had changed since coming back from Australia 18 months ago and how that’s affected me as a person.
For the most part, the last 18 months of my life has been an incredible adventure. I’ve been extremely lucky to have been able to travel the world, I’ve dated and had awesome experiences with beautiful women from all walks of life, I’ve helped countless guys change not only their dating lives but their lives in general, I’ve continued to develop a skillset that will serve me in both my personal and professional life for years to come and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
But…being a full-time pickup/dating coach is something not many people will experience in their lifetime and so whilst guys often say to me “man you’ve got the best job in the world” they would find it incredibly hard to believe me when I say it’s ‘not all gravy.’
“So what’s the issue?!”
When I first got into “the community” or “manosphere” as it’s often referred to, it was purely because I was unhappy with my dating life, I felt helpless and wanted to improve myself and take control of that area of my life. Fast forward six years and I feel like I’ve done that, I’ve got the tools to be able to meet, attract and date the women I want in my life and no longer feel afraid to be alone as I did in my early twenties. I understand the rules of the sexual marketplace and no longer go into situations with my eyes closed ‘hoping for the best.’
The first minor issue I have is the fact that these days I really can’t stand the “manosphere,” which by the very nature of what I do, I’m a part of. When I started out, the community was largely just an online gathering of guys who traded tips and advice on getting better with girls. Yes you still had trolls and keyboard jockeys who’d argue over ridiculous things but these days it’s mutated into a stream of negativity over things like Politics & Feminism, things I really don’t give a fuck about. Guys who used to support and help each other now berate, belittle and put it each other down to support their claims of being “the best pickup artist.”
By and large I ignore most of the above, including the haters, trolls and general weirdos that plague my various inboxes on a daily basis and actually there are a number of genuinely cool guys that I’ve either met or heard about who give value through the manosphere and that’s great! This is the first reason you’ve been seeing less of me online, purely because I spend less time in the manoshpere.
The second main reason I’ve taken a step back from the public eye is a more of a personal reason.
As I mentioned earlier, when I started out on this journey it was a purely selfish endeavour designed to improve an area of my life that needed vast improvement. But now it’s an even larger part of my life given the fact it’s my full-time job. Out of all the positive changes I’ve seen in myself over the years there’s one thing that I’ve started to notice which began to worry me a little and that is the fact I was doing a lot of things out of ego and not because I truly wanted to.
I started getting notches not because I liked the girl but because in the back of my mind I knew I had an audience that wanted to hear about it. I started doing crazier sets, not because it was entirely fun for me but because I knew my competition was doing it. I even started to feel guilty for liking a girl for more than just sex for fear of being labelled a ‘beta’ or some other meaningless badge by some random guy online I’ve never even met or give a shit about.
Those things probably helped my game and so I’m not saying I regret any of it, of course not, but slowly the magic of daygame and why I started doing it in the first place began to die and I started to lose the enjoyment of it. I felt myself becoming a bit weird and unbalanced. I wasn’t truly happy.
So I took some time out to figure things out and feel like I’m in a much better place now and moving in the right direction.
Firstly I’ve reconnected with why I started this in the first place. I’m less interested in satisfying the ‘notch count hyena’ and more interested in going for what I really want. This means operating on a sniper approach basis, that ensures I expend less mental and physical energy whilst still getting results. I’ve noticed this has improved my overall game and enjoyment of it.
I’ve been putting a lot more time and effort into my other passions. Being a pickup coach isn’t a long term goal and so I’ve been investing in my photography with a view to eventually transition into that full time, whenever that may be. This has helped me become more balanced and gives me something to work on during quiet periods.
I’m still coaching and I continue to enjoy it. I just got back from an awesome residential in Prague with a guy with zero experience and hearing his updates since the resi inspires me to continue helping guys that need help. I’ve shifted my focus away from all the bullshit and negativity in the manosphere and invest more effort into the guys that are serious about improving themselves.
And overall I’m spending less time online and more time in the real world, meaning less time reading weird posts/comments by weird guys and more time connecting with real people including my friends and family, whom I saw less and less of the more time I traveled and constantly chased new notches.
And so that’s where I’m currently at.
The plan going forward is to continue developing and growing myself personally, whilst continuing to coach guys around the world and to figure out a plan to put out regular content that gives value to my audience.
Lastly, cheers to everyone that’s shown me love across my various social media platforms, I appreciate the support and I’ll see you on a video very soon!