“I realise now that she’s what I want. I want to move in with her and have kids with her. I’m done with this lifestyle and I’m scared that I’ve really fucked it up. If I can’t get her back then I’m going to have to leave this town, I can’t see her around, it will kill me.”
I sat in silence, blank expression on my face, as I listened to my mate fill me in on the latest developments in his now finished relationship. I was back in Gloucestershire and had joined a couple of old friends for a few pints at a local pub when I’d asked “how are things with you and Amy?”
Steve is my age (30), has his own flat, a steady job and is in great shape from the gym. Amy is a year younger, a nurse, not in great shape and a few years ago almost had a drunken foursome with me and my best mate, her friend being the one to pull out at the last-minute.
Though most of my friends from home have some idea of the lifestyle I lead and what I do for work, I never make a point of ramming theory down their throats or talking about it too much when I am back. I just sat, listened and nodded whilst Steve continued to open up about the nature of their breakup.
“I was sat on the couch at her mums house, them either side of me as they gave me the ultimatum.”
“Ultimatum?” I asked.
“Yeah we’ve been together a while now and they said that if I don’t move out of my flat and get a house with Amy and give her kids then she’s going to leave me. I felt under pressure and said I didn’t want that and left. That’s when we broke up.”
“How long ago was that?” I asked.
“About ten weeks now, but I can’t stop thinking that I’ve made a terrible mistake. I realise now that she’s what I want. I want to move in with her and have kids with her. I’m done with this lifestyle and I’m scared that I’ve really fucked it up. If I can’t get her back then I’m going to have to leave this town, I can’t see her around, it will kill me.”
Rollo’s ‘Cardinal Rule of Relationships’ immediately sprang into mind.
In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.
“Mate you realise you only feel like this because you lack options and live in a tiny town where you see her everyday.” I refrained from going into a tirade of how he needs to get a grip, move on and realise he just won the lottery by escaping that scenario.
“No mate, you’re different. I’m not like you, I’m not interested in fucking loads of girls and partying anymore, I want her back. I went round her house today but she wasn’t in so I told her neighbour to tell her that I called by and that I want to speak to her.” He continued.
“Just be careful.” I added before changing the subject.
We didn’t speak about it again for the rest of the afternoon and I’d kind of forgotten about it until today when I saw something pop up on my Facebook feed. It was one of those ‘x has been tagged in’ type of posts and not to my surprise it was Amy who is now in a relationship with John.
But wait, as I looked a little closer, I saw that the date she was tagged in this event was not today’s date but actually from early March, meaning it was a little over three weeks after she broke up with Steve that she had entered into this new relationship with John.
I felt bad for Steve. He’d previously scoffed at the idea that women always have ‘orbiters’ (guys they’re keeping on the back burner) and now he’d fallen victim to the hypergamous nature of women. It’s a lesson he’ll have to learn the hard way but what about guys reading this who may be in a similar situation or thinking about entering into a relationship?
Lets look at the mistakes Steve made to get to this point using Heartiste’s brilliant ‘Sixteen Commandments of Poon.’
III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority
Forget all those romantic clichés of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.
Steve put himself in a position where Amy became his priority, hence his needy behaviour and devastation after she left. The fact Steve lives in a small town where there is a real lack of options and things to do means that generally relationships become the priority in people’s lives here.
VII. Always keep two in the kitty
Never allow yourself to be a “kept man”. A man with options is a man without need. It builds confidence and encourages boldness with women if there is another woman, a safety net, to catch you in case you slip and risk a breakup, divorce, or a lost prospect, leading to loneliness and a grinding dry spell. A woman knows once she has slept with a man she has abdicated a measure of her power; when she has fallen in love with him she has surrendered nearly all of it. But love is ephemeral and with time she may rediscover her power and threaten to leave you. It is her final trump card. Withdrawing all her love and all her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone. Knowing there is another you can turn to for affection will fortify your will and satisfy your manhood.
Although Steve told me he saw a 41-year-old for a bit after the breakup, he never had abundance, which lead to his needy behaviour and allowed Amy to play her trump card (leaving) to get what she wanted i.e. marriage and kids. She’s likely to use the same tactics and behaviour (often not consciously) in her new relationship with John. Now Steve is alone in his flat in a town with a lack of opportunity for new leads, he’s neediness grows along with the belief that Amy is the solution. Steve should really read ‘Plate Theory’ by Rollo Tomassi.
XV. Maintain your state control
You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips. She will rain and thunder all around you and you will shelter her until her storm passes. She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you. When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her.
Listening to Steve talk, it’s clear he doesn’t have a grip on his state control. During the ultimatum, Steve got reactive prompting Amy to follow through on her threat to leave. Although she may have left anyway as she moves towards somebody that will give her kids, had Steve been able to maintain the frame, the situation may have ended differently. Now his state has been disrupted, he believes that he’s made a mistake and that he now wants marriage and kids, when in reality his gut instinct was probably right and he isn’t ready for that yet.
XVI. Never be afraid to lose her
You must not fear. Fear is the love-killer. Fear is the ego-triumph that brings abject loneliness. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over and through you. And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain. You will walk away from her when she has violated your integrity, and you will let her walk when her heart is closed to you. She who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give her that power over yourself. Love yourself before you love her.
It’s clear Steve was afraid to lose her and now that he has, his behaviour is erratic and is stemming from a place of neediness and loneliness through lack of options. Trying to get her back is the ultimate act of neediness. Steve needs to move on with his life and fast.
Steve’s case study serves as an example of where you can end up if you don’t take game & red pill advice seriously. This isn’t a post to hate on the nature of women, I actually don’t think Amy has done anything wrong, she’s only following her biological imperative.
Steve on the other hand has a lot to learn if he’s to avoid ending up in a similar situation in the future.
The other night I watched the new Jamie Foxx action film “Sleepless”, which is set in Las Vegas. During the gratuitous violence, car chases and gun fights, it dawned on me that I never wrote up any of the stories from my trip to Las Vegas with Tom in December.
It’s a bit late now to recount all of the craziness including a couple of failed threesome attempts, blue-balls woes and getting shit faced dressed as Santa Claus but I will share with you this story of how I got laid in Vegas from Gutter Game.
For the last few months, in-between daygame coaching in London, I’ve been living back in the arse end of nowhere while I plan my next Euro Jaunts and an upcoming World Tour.
The issue with this (outside of the lack of daygame opportunities) is the fact that lay logistics are pretty shitty.
Instead of relentlessly beating myself off into a tissue whilst spending way too much time on pornhub, I’ve been further exploring the art of getting laid in public places.
By public places, I’m talking about anywhere outside of the comfort of your place, whether that’s in a car, in a park, down an alleyway or like my Saturday afternoon, a disabled toilet in a swanky pub…
Now this isn’t a new phenomenon and certainly not the first time I’ve done this but I wanted a write a bit of a “how to” for guys that may not have tried or thought it was possible to get a girl you barely know to accompany you into a toilet, whilst the sun is still shining outside and proceed to fuck her brains out whilst the sound of hand dryers go off next door.
Before I get into the “how to” part of the post, I want to touch on the “why” you should want to at least try having sex in public;
- Firstly it’s good experience. Experience breeds competence and competence breeds confidence. Quite simply, the more you have sex in crazy places, the more confident you’ll feel about doing it in future situations where a bounce back to your place may not be possible. What you feel, she feels, so if you’re confident in what you’re doing, she’s more likely to oblige.
- It’s exciting and risky. The combination of the two causes huge spikes in her emotions and is likely to make her come back for more. After all, when she’s daydreaming at work, she’s more likely to be thinking about the guy that dragged her into a disabled toilet than the guy who gave her three minutes of boring missionary sex.
- It’s paramount for developing a strong sexual vibe. Since we know that it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it, developing a strong sexual presence through a wide berth of sexual experiences will help your interactions with women in the future.
Not that I really needed to sell you on the idea of expanding your sexual horizons, it’s time for the “how” part of the post. Banging in public isn’t actually that hard (that’s what she said..) but there are a few things you need to take into consideration.
- She needs to trust you. There needs to be a certain degree of comfort built before you pull a girl into a situation that is both risky in terms of being caught and more importantly where she’s going to be vulnerable. She doesn’t need to have known you for months, it’s certainly possible to do a same day lay in public but she has to trust you. Once you know she’s attracted to you, let her know that you’re not a threat.
- You have to lead. Just like any escalation attempt, it’s your job to lead and escalate. Not only do you need to lead and escalate, you must do so smoothly. Any hesitation, nervousness or uncertainty she will feel amplified and will likely not go ahead with it.
- Accept there is a risk and ‘call out the elephant in the room.’ She doesn’t want to be thinking logically about how you two could get caught so you need to allay these fears before they arise by saying something along the lines of “this is crazy, I can’t believe we’re doing this.”
- Have Fun! Most importantly make it a fun experience for her as well as you. You want to make it a positive experience for her to reduce the chance of “buyers remorse.”
- Oh and not every girl will be up for it and thats okay. Drilling yourself to at least try for it will make you more comfortable when the situation arises again in the future.
So there you go, there’s really not much to it.
If you still need some reassurance that women are actually into this stuff just grab yourself a copy of “50 Shades of Grey” or “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday, better still follow me on Twitter @cassidypua and add me on Instagram @craigcassidy1
If you’ve ever wanted to learn Daygame then a residential is probably the best way to go about it!
5 days, 5 hours coaching a day, 24/7 support and advice, living with me somewhere in Europe…
I’ve taught quite a few now and the results are always amazing, just check out some of my client testimonials!
The Euro season is now upon us and I’m offering a residential, with me, somewhere in Europe for £1500, that’s £1000 off the normal rate and miles cheaper than a lot of other companies…all I require in return is;
- A newbie that’s done less than say 200 approaches.
- Is happy to be filmed infield and share his experience on YouTube.
And that’s it.
Sound good?! If interested, shoot me an email email@example.com and we can set up a Skype call to go over the specifics.
**ps – if you want to hear a previous clients feedback then check out this vid!**
The Case For Tinder…A Guide For PUA’s
I can already hear the sharp intakes of breath, see the furrowed brows and expect the onslaught of troll comments but before any of that hear me out.
No Craig Cassidy hasn’t hung up his oversized biker boots, leather jacket and aviators for a life of microwave meals, trips to Ikea and an arthritic riddled right thumb.
Far from it.
Daygame/Gutter Game is and will be for the foreseeable future the main way I meet, attract and seduce women. It’s my passion, my adrenaline rush and my job. That’s not going to change anytime soon.
But…let’s get to talking about Tinder.
Ahhh Tinder and online game in general. Loved and loathed in equal divides across the PUA community, some guys dedicating swathes of time to trying to figure out the ‘code’ and other guys writing it off as a complete waste of time. So should you bother?!
Well I’m going to attempt to argue why you should…
First, let’s get the negatives out-of-the-way, of which there are many but in the main they are:
- You’re viewed as a chode in a sea of chodes, that is until you are chosen. In online/Tinder game, women are the choosers. Their value is massively inflated by the horde of losers sending them “omg u so beautiful” messages on the daily, so actually getting a response from these girls can be troublesome.
- It’s fucking time-consuming. Ever got frustrated from the time you’re spending doing admin to get your 5 daygame leads from the week to reply and come on a date with you? Well multiply that 10 fold when online/Tinder gaming.
- Quality is rare. Let’s face it, a high quality girl isn’t likely to be on Tinder. She’s already got a network of orbiter beta-males ready to come crawling whenever she desires.
- It’s difficult to display your true SMV. Looks makes up a small percentage of your male sexual market value, yet it is almost the sole reason you’ll get a response from Tinder. Sure she might make assumptions based on your images but come on, those of you that have tried Tinder know you spend less than a second to decide whether you’re swiping left or right.
- Most women do it for attention. Even if you do get a match, most women are actually on Tinder for an ego boost and self-validation. She probably doesn’t have any real desire to meet a guy from Tinder, it hardly fits her Disney romance ideals, even now it’s considered the ‘norm.’
So the odds are pretty stacked against you right? Well yeah. And you probably should just not bother and be a daygame purist right? Hmmm, not quite.
See, for all it’s flaws, I’d never consider becoming a purist and only doing one type of game, for you are actually missing out on girls and here’s why.
I’m sure you all know that in daygame, a key mindset we adopt is that for every girl you approach, she could be a ‘yes’, a ‘no’, or a ‘maybe’ girl.
That is, right off the bat the girl will either hate the sight of you, want to suck your dick right then and there or have a varying level of curiosity as to who you are and what you’re about.
Same goes for Tinder…so with the following tips, here’s how you can incorporate this controversial app into your dating life.
- First things first…find your best photos. What you write in your bio doesn’t really matter. She’s going to check you out or swipe based on your profile pic. Make it a strong one, not one of you gurning in a family holiday photo.
- If you have a cool Instagram account (like me) link it to your profile, it acts as a DHV without you have to do anything.
- Don’t spend a lot of time on it. Daygame (or night game if it’s your thing) should be the main way you get quality girls into your life. Use Tinder when you have a spare few minutes, like when you’re taking a shit.
- When you get a match, employ the same principles as you would with daygame i.e. tease, challenge, role-play…99% of guys on Tinder are clueless chodes that send shit like ‘hey beautiful how are you?” so there’s no excuse for you not to stand out.
- Show her you’re not a desperate horny chode (even if you are..) There’s a thin line between ‘here’s a guy that I’d actually meet’ and ‘great, he’s another fuck boy.’ You can deal with this by qualifying her. Sure you want to sleep with her but the rest of the guys on Tinder would do so even if she came to their house on Christmas Day and pissed on their Nan.
- Don’t spend hours (or worse days) texting back and forth on the app. Your immediate goal is to get some contact details and go from ‘that Tinder guy’ to someone she knows. WhatsApp/Facebook are ideal.
- Again, once she’s a contact in your phone, try to get her out as soon as possible on a date. Once you’re on a date with her you’re a real person. If you don’t you’re likely to be forgotten or worse, put in with the rest of the beta orbiters.
- Now you’re on a date with her it’s all you buddy, escalate, escalate, escalate…if it all goes tits up then you should have options, if you don’t then you probably didn’t follow point number 3…
I’ve personally had sexcess *ahem* success with it, met some cool girls, been on some good, bad and ‘interesting’ dates all from an app I occasionally use when I’m sat around in my underpants relaxing 😉
So there you have it guys…my case for Tinder!
The above advice was published in good faith and understanding that you, the reader, are of average or above looks, are of reasonable age and have some sort of personality. Should you be old as fuck, have a face like a melted welly or as much personality as a square foot piece of dry wall then Tinder probably isn’t for you…
I don’t write a lay report for every girl I sleep with unless it’s one that is a) a funny story, b) contains some useful insights/lessons or c) both. In this case, last nights lay is definitely a c…
Those of you that follow my Twitter or Instagram will know that on Sunday evening I was on a date with a Romanian Vampire (she’s from Transylvania..). During the past year or so since I’ve been a daygame coach, most of my daygame has been done either when I’m coaching or when I’ve been on trips/jaunts with wings, so my style of game had developed to fast pulls either on the same day or on a first date.
I’ve had the luxury of being grounded in one spot for the last few months so I’ve been able to slow back down and play a safer two-date model and I went into the date on Sunday with that in mind. We had a few drinks, I escalated up to a make-out and we made plans to see each other again for a second date.
Over the next few days after the date on Sunday our texting became more and more sexual. My tried and tested photo ping spikes nicely amped up the possibility that sex would happen on the second date and so I decided I had to get her out again soon before the bubble burst, knowing I would be in London for a week this weekend.
The main issue I have with where I’m living now is logistics, something that is vital to the success of a pull so I knew I was going to have to improvise as I couldn’t go to hers and she couldn’t come to mine. After a little while browsing the internet for possible locations for the pull (disabled toilets, hotels with conference rooms, parks etc…) I decided that as I drive and I’m in an area with lots of secluded areas, I’d go for the pull in my car. I drive a BMW Z3, which if you’re a fan of James Bond you’d have seen in GoldenEye and you’d also know it’s fucking tiny…
Driving to the date I knew that it was either going to go well, or it would be a funny story…
I picked her up at her house and the expected “where are we going” question arose, to which I’d already planned a reply “I’m going to show you this awesome viewpoint where you can see the whole city.” It’s important that when you lead you have conviction, any hesitation could see your plans shot down. She didn’t bat an eyelid to this and the look in her eye told me she knew what that meant.
The drive to the lookout wasn’t long and we made small talk as the sexual tension began to build. As I approached the viewpoint I noticed that it was actually full of cars. “Shit!” I thought to myself as I frantically racked my brain for an alternative spot, knowing that dogging probably isn’t the best idea for a second date!
Luckily the area is surrounded by golf courses and as the last of light disappeared I found a local golf course with a huge car park that was luckily empty. Bingo! You couldn’t see fuck all of the city but she never said a word and within minutes we were making out heavily. I’d just been given the green light..
Here’s what followed. I’ve conveniently edited into a short 5 minute audio clip, which is obviously NSFW and you should probably wear some headphones…enjoy 😉
Oh yeah, I said at the start that this lay report contains some useful lessons/insights, not just the bravado of the lay so here’s some tips for ‘adventure sex.’
- You absolutely have to lead. Leading is critical to every pull but even more so when you’re attempting to go for a lay in a public location. Any hesitation will cause her to feel uncomfortable with the idea and it probably won’t happen.
- You must have escalated physically and verbally prior and feel somewhat that she’s a) into you and b) a strong maybe to a yes girl. If you haven’t at least made out with her then it’s going to be a huge ask to get her to fuck you in public.
- Turn it into an ‘adventure.’ Role play on the fact that you both shouldn’t be doing this and that it’s your little secret. This adds to the plausible deniability she requires when doing something crazy like this with a guy she’s just met.
- Have fun!